It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
