I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
