We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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