You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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