well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
