he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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