She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
