I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
