I will die if light touches me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize