You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
