i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
