Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
