My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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