how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
