i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
