maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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