I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
