can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize