My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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