Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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