I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
