Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
