Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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