I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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