she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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