Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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