hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
