Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
