just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
