well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
