Pappa wants mamma naked
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
