you guys were way drunker than both of me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
