yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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