I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
