it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
