Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
