I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize