he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
