real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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