Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
