I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
