so explain again why im purple
no
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
