How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
