I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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