he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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