yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
