If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
