First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
