You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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