Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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