Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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