I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
