First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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