Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
