3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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