hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
