We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
