I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
