She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
