I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
