dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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