i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
