doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
