I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
