Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
