The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
