I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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