im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
