I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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