I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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