I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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