she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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