Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
