dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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