Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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