You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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