And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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