...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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