hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
