once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
