She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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