I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
