Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
