It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
