just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
