He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
