i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
