Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
