it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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