if only i could text you this smell
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
