My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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