Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize