words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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