I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
