his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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