I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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