yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
