So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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