The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
