I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
