Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
